February, 2010:

Are You Ready to Meet Jesus?

by Darrell W. Conder

I don't know about you, but nowadays I hate turning on a t.v. or picking up a paper. Everywhere there are bad things & more bad things—really horrible things—and they get worse by the day. No wonder Christians are constantly moaning about the Second Coming of Jesus and praying to the Father in heaven to get off his lethargic tailpipe and get his blessed boy back down here PDQ! What they don't seem to understand is that getting JC down here to clean up this mess would be like throwing gasoline on a raging fire!

Let me ask you Christians to clear your minds—just for a moment—of all that love-thy-neighbor-as-thyself BS and truly focus on the glorious Second Coming, for which you all hope & pray. Think about the book of Revelation, where, according to whoever wrote the thing, JC himself is talkin' to ya. Now come on; in the whole of your holy book, there's nothing more horrific than Revelation. The promised suffering, destruction and almost complete annihilation of all living things is enough to trigger rigor mortis in a bucket of hot lard. I mean, on one hand we've got a bunch of godless homicidal maniacs doing their damndest to waste this planet, and on the other a bunch of Christians bellowing about the salvation of the Lord who promises to do the same thing. Take 2 Peter 3:10-13 for example: "But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness."

Sure 'nuf, God promises to build a new heaven & new earth, but that's only after he nukes 6,000,000,000 people, a trillion or so animals, evaporates oceans, rivers, lakes and other assorted septic tanks, mountains and in general everything that creepeth or crawleth upon the face of the earth. But hold onto your knickers. After God rebuilds the planet it only lasts 1,000 years. After that he turns loose Satan and uses that early release program as an excuse to nuke the planet a second time over. I don't know about you, but God's formula for problem solving ain't my idea of problem solving.

Of course, our godless, unbelievin' leaders proffer a solution that ain't much better than what's predicted in the senseless bloody book of Revelation. Anyone with a functioning noodle knows that what they're doing to the planet is going to result in pretty much the same end predicted in Revelation—without the new heaven & new earth thing.

Oh yeah; excusez-moi; I was addressing Christians. Let's read Isaiah 11:6-10: "The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the hole of the cobra, and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his place of rest will be glorious."

Would someone among all you Jesus believers out there kindly tell me why your God demands all that suffering, blood & destruction when he finally decides to clean up the mess he created down here? Why, for instance, if he's going to bind Satan for a 1,000 years and create utopia on earth after the Second Coming, didn't he just bind the critter from the year dot? Come on: if Satan ain't gonna be around while the scenario in Isaiah 11 is playin' out—for a 1,000 years according to Revelation—then why did he need to be around for the past 6,000 years—from Adam to Jesus to Obama? If your God is truly a god of love & mercy, and he really is going to create a new heaven & new earth without a Satan roaming free, then why, I ask, has humanity had 6,000 years of gettin' it up the wazoo?

Well, screw all that. We're just talkin' make believe anyway. The reality is that last year we got rid of one lying, warmongering old sweetheart and put another in his place. The reality is that the planet is fast goin' down the old crapper. Yes, there is a solution, but I'll let that one slide till another time & place. In the mean time, watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass—not that it'll do you any good, but what the hell? It can't hurt!