Darrell W. Conder's

Things You've Never Heard In Church Series:

Jehovah Finally Comes Out of the Closet!

Reaction from my recent article detailing the horrors of the Holy Bible and its offspring, the Holy Inquisition, was mixed. Some thought it was too strong, while others argued that those who killed in God's name weren't true Christians. One man placed the blame squarely on Roman Catholicism. "Protestantism", he stated, was/is not "a bloodthirsty faith!"

Let me remind this man, and all who think like him, that until the sixteenth century there was only one Christian Church in the West; there was only one officially-recognized bible translation, which is the same bible that gave legitimacy to the horrors of the Inquisition, and which gave life to the King James translation. In short, the history of the Holy Inquisition IS the history of Protestantism. And good god what a history!

The fact is that when it came into its own, Protestantism followed its mother church and in God's name shed an ocean of blood. From Martin Luther in Germany, William I of Orange, King Henry viii to Oliver Cromwell, good Protestants never missed an opportunity to stain their hands with "heretic's" blood. The written record of Protestantism's crimes could fill a library!

Just as bad, when the first Englishmen fled the Mother country to find religious freedom in the New World, they imported the very evil they sought to escape—religious intolerance. In 1640 one of this author's own ancestors, Major Randal Holden, was jailed for heresy in Salem, Massachusetts and threatened with execution—some fifty-two years before another infamous episode in Salem's history, which was the arrest and torture of one hundred forty-one men and women for witchcraft, and the ultimate murder of twenty by fanatical Protestant judges. But have no fear, all ye good Christian fanatics: The spirit of the Holy Inquisition and the Salem witch trials lives on in the twenty-first century!

Enter Reverend Fred Phelps. Now, if you've never heard of this old darling, you are among the more fortunate, although that must end if you continue to read this article. Phelps, a 76-year-old disbarred lawyer, is the pastor of something called the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, and he is the creator and administrator of the church's websites, godhatesfags.com and godhatesamerica.com. That's right! Phelps has an entire ministry devoted to spreading hatred for homosexuals and the nations that protect them—and when I say hatred, I mean pure volcanic poison! Let me give you some examples.

Because of the extraordinary media coverage of the time, many will remember the 1998 torture-murder of a young gay man named Matthew Shepard outside Laramie, Wyoming by two straight men; the details of which are rather gruesome. Shepard's murder and his sexual orientation was music to the ears of Phelps and his hate mongers because it gave them a chance to generate major publicity for their cause.

Among other things, Phelps and company picketed Shepard's funeral, the trial of his murders, and tried to erect a stone monument in Laramie that reads: "Matthew Shepard has been in hell for 2291 days. Eternity - 3150 days = Eternity". Phelps writes:

Unless [Shepard] repented in the final hours of his life (not likely since God had given him up!—Romans 1), He is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity, 'where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.' Mark 9:44. For each day that passes, he has only eternity to look forward to. All the candlelight vigils, all the tributes, all the acts of Congress, all the rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States, will not shorten his sentence by so much as one day. And all the riches of the world will not buy him one drop of water to cool his tongue.

As a token of Phelps' Christian mercy, he maintains a photograph of Matthew Shepard's face on his website with animated flames dancing across it, and a counter which displays how many days Matthew Shepard has supposedly been roasting in hell. But this treatment of Matthew Shepard is tame when one considers that Phelps gleefully preaches death against the entire population of the United States.

Phelps hatred of America is borne from the fact that our nation's laws don't allow for the execution of homosexuals. This leads Phelps and his congregation to rejoice in horrible bloody disasters like the Columbia Space Shuttle disaster, claiming that the seven dead astronauts were "faggots" now roasting alive in hell. However, Phelps' hatred reached a peak on September 11, 2001 when the Twin Towers in New York City were attacked. He wrote: "thank God for 3,000 dead fags ... God Hates America! Even as fires still blaze in New York and Washington, and even as the death toll mounts, this evil nation continues to smear fag semen and dyke feces on the pages of the Bible so as thereby to blur its holy warnings of divine wrath!" Adding physical insult to his hateful rants, Phelps and his group went to New York City and protested the rescue and recovery personnel with vulgar, insulting signs, one of which depicted a male couple engaging in sexual intercourse.

Exceeding even this hateful display, Phelps rejoiced in the nearly 300,000 dead from the recent tsunami in Indonesia and Thailand. Phelps reserved his most godly venom for the vacationing European victims. Here are his sympathetic words:

20,000 filthy Swedes went to Thailand—world epicenter of child sex traffic—to rape and sodomize little Thai boys and girls. 20,000 dead Swedes is to Sweden's population of 9 mil. As 650,000 would be to America's 290 mil. Pop. We sincerely hope and pray that all 20,000 Swedes are dead, their bodies bloated on the ground or in a mass grave or floating at sea feeding sharks and fishes or in the bellies of thousands of crocodiles washed ashore by tsunamis. These filthy, faggot Swedes have a satanic, draconian law criminalizing Gospel preaching ... thereby incurring God's irreversible wrath. [That last remark was in reference to the Swedish government closing down a Pentecostal minister who preaches Phelps' brand of homosexual hatred, which, by the way, is an act that this author does not support. To make this clear, I do not support ANY suppression of free speech, no matter how repugnant!]

In the immediate aftermath of the tsunami crisis, a twelve year old Swedish boy named Kristian Walker was kidnaped, perhaps (it was feared by local authorities) by child pornographers. Phelps wrote that Kristian "... would be better off dead than living in Sweden—where 9 million walking-dead sodomite zombies anally copulate their brains out and jail Gospel preachers ... Sweden is under the condign [deserved] wrath of God. Kristian Walker & all Swedish kids would be better off dead than living in Sweden." On his website, next to a photograph of Kristian, Phelps wrote: "Thank God for the apparent kidnapping of the 12-year-old Swede—Kristian Walker!"

Okay, enough of the good reverend's love. Christian history books are filled with this kind of tripe. What I want to do here is to point out to the Fred Phelps-types that the god they use to spread their hate is not who they think he is. In fact, Fred Phelps, the god you preach is himself the supreme, universal "faggot"! That's right Freddie, we are talking about old Jehovah himself!

Writing strictly from a Christian perspective, here are the facts: In the beginning of eternity there were two supreme beings floating around out there in the cosmos. We don't know anything about where they came from, or what they did with each other during all that time, except that at some point they decided to have a son. Now, unlike the myriad other deities invented by man, which are logically composed of a father-god and mother-goddess who produced a son-god¹, these two deities were males! So, how they "begat" a son is not revealed. But, since begatting (even among the gods) usually involved copulation, then I'll leave it to the reader's imagination how the son came on the scene. Anyway, together this trinity of gods formed the Yahweh family, or the Jehovah family, if we take the King James translator's translation of the Hebrew Tetragrammaton (yhwh). In time this third Jehovah, who was one with his two dads, decided to create a planet and a human male, who he made in his own image. This is important because Jehovah the creator (being at one with his two dads) must have been begotten with homosexual tendencies. This means that he would have passed this trait along to his human male. But let's forget that for the moment and focus on Jehovah the creator. Let's see if the bible will show us that he is indeed a prime example of like fathers, like son.

One of the first things we notice in the Good Book is that Jehovah has a problem with females. Indeed, Genesis makes it plain that Jehovah had no intentions to create a woman for Adam, because after making his man, he brought all sorts of animals to him to see if any could be found suitable as a mate—a tale that doesn't bode well for Jehovah's intelligence, which is a subject for another study. Even worse, in the Tamudic book Yebamoth(63a) Rabbi Eleazar teaches that Adam copulated with various animals before it was determined that none was suitable as a mate. And so, when the animal thing turned out to be a bad idea, Jehovah, purely as an afterthought, created a woman. (Don't blame me folks—I didn't write this stuff!)

As if being created as an afterthought wasn't bad enough, Genesis reveals that poor Eve was set up by Jehovah to be blamed for man's downfall and all that is evil in the world, which she did by innocently stumbling into Jehovah's cunningly-devised snake-trap. (See my study on the book of Genesis for the details of that story!) As a result of her interlude with a talking snake, Eve, and all womankind, were cursed with painful childbirth and to be virtual slaves for eternity. Indeed, who can truthfully deny that the bible is one long record of their abuse? While their lives of misery start to unfold on earth, notice who Jehovah favors throughout the pages of his bible: Males! From Abel to Enoch to Noah to Abraham to Moses, males were exclusively to Jehovah's taste. No woman really ever made the grade. Well, to be perfectly fair, the males just mentioned barely made the grade—that is until one boy came along.

Looking down from his heavenly perch one day, Jehovah spied a young shepherd boy frolicking about the hills of ancient Judea. Whatever he saw David doing alone in those hills, Jehovah's godly heart strings began to play—so much so that no human male before or since could come in as a close second to David! Jehovah was in love and it is in his love of David that Jehovah's true nature is revealed.

But before we get into all that, it's worthwhile to review David's family history, which is relevant because it is lop-sided with sexual aberrations. First, we have the rabbinical tale about his great-great-some-odd-grandmother Eve copulating with the serpent in Eden; and the Genesis tale about gods coming down to earth to copulate with her female descendants and begetting heros of old. There's David great-great-something-or-other-uncle Ham homosexually raping his drunken father, Noah, after the flood (see this author's Genesis study for the details of that one!); there was father Abraham marrying his sister and then giving her over for the sexual delight of a king—the same Abraham who raped his wife's slave and then dumped her and his illegitimate son into the dessert to die—the same Abraham who worshiped an upright stone penis set inside a representation of a vagina, which was an ancient custom of Mesopotamia; there was father Jacob who also set up a sacred phallic stone and anointed it with oil,² which set a precedent in Israel; David's ancient cousin Moses did the same thing, as well as participating in the wholesale rape and/or enslavement of 32,000 Midianite virgins;³ at the door of Jehovah's sacred Temple David's son Solomon set up two giant phalluses on whose heads were carved lilies and pomegranates, both being ancient symbols of female fertility; there was David's ancient cousin Lot who seemed to delight in living among the debauchery of Sodom and Gomorrah—the same Lot who offered a crowd his daughters for a gang-rape, after which a drunken Lot was incestuously raped by each of these same two daughters, thus producing combinations of sons-grandsons/brother/sons/nephews, or whatever, one of whom was David's ancestor; there was David's great-great-what-ever uncle Judah buying the prostitute favors of his own daughter-in-law, an act that produced another of David's ancestors; there was David's great-something-or-other grandmother Rahab, who was a traitorous harlot; there was his ancestral father Jacob's rape of his wives' two female slaves; David's great-what-ever uncle Reuben, who had incestuous intercourse with his father's sex slave; there's the case of David's son raping his own sister, and another son publically raping ten of his father's sex slaves, etc., etc., ad nauseam!

A family history like this goes a long way toward explaining David and his sexual appetites, and will explain why Jehovah chose him as his special friend. Indeed, the history of Israel itself tells us even more about David and Jehovah. I mean, the bible features prohibitions against men raping sheep, donkeys and other assorted beasts, and likewise for women doing the same—meaning of course that bestiality was a rampant problem else the biblical composers would have hardly bothered to pen a law against Israelites "doing" their farm animals! Such common practices in ancient Israel is why one of Jehovah's top prophets, Ezekiel, used it as a simile in chapter 32 of his book: "Yet [Israel] became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission [ejaculation] was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."

What's the point here? Let me spell it out: In the Old Testament we are dealing with a deity who often countenanced, or at least overlooked what is today considered abnormal sexual behavior, from his chosen servants. This overlooked behavior also included homosexuality, which we notice in the infamous tale of Sodom and Gomorrah. In that episode we find that Jehovah wasn't upset about the sex thing, but because the men of Sodom were inhospitable, vain and had too much time on their hands, as Ezekiel 16:49 makes plain: "Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."

Further clarification on this point is found in a tale from Judges 19:22-24, which is a virtual repeat of the Sodom episode wherein a crowd of men surrounded a house demanding the homeowner's guest be sent out for a roll in the hay. The "sin" in the Judges story wasn't homosexuality, but the sin of violating the sanctity of another man's home: "I pray you, do not so wickedly, seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly." The story goes on to tell how the master of the house offered the crowd his unmarried daughter and his guest's concubine (meaning his sex slave), which again illustrates the status of females in Jehovah's chosen nation. The tale also lets us in on the state of ancient Israelite sexuality because these men wanted to have sex with the man in the house, but settled for his female slave instead, which shows that bisexuality was the accepted norm in David's time!

This fact will explain the presence of both male and female Temple prostitutes in ancient Israel, which is why the priests wrote a prohibition against the practice in Deuteronomy 23:17. Of course a law often made no difference in ancient Israel, as the story of Eli, Hannah and Samuel reveals. (I Sam. 2:22) Indeed, Temple prostitution continued off and on until the time of the Temple's destruction—the building at one time actually containing specially-constructed rooms for male and female prostitutes to service the paying faithful, all of which lead us back to David, the future king of Israel, who—the bible assures us—was a man after Jehovah's own heart!

Let's have this point clear by looking at some of the scriptures that tell us about Jehovah and David's special relationship: In 1 Kings 11:4 Jehovah said Solomon's heart was "not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David." 1 Kings 14:8 has Jehovah saying of David that he "followed me with all his heart." 1 Kings 15:3 says Jeroboam's "heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his forefather had been." 1 Samuel 13:14 talks about Saul's failure and Jehovah seeking out "a man after His own heart" which turned out to be David. In Acts 13:22 Jehovah said, "I have found David ... a man after My own heart."As clear as a church bell ringing on a cold Sunday morning, David and Jehovah were two peas in a pod—more so than most realize since both were cold-blooded killers, liars, cheats and adulterers—facts that I have covered in detail in other articles!

Anyway, homo-hetero-bisexual-bestial-sex-slave-rape-and-prostitution-ridden phallic-worshiping Israel was the land in which the young shepherd boy David grew into a man, or at least into a good Israelite. What the young shepherd boy did or didn't do during those lonely days and nights watching his father's sheep cannot be known. But, we do know that he had virtually no restraints on his overactive sexuality, as his numerous shameful sexual exploits reveal—such as dancing naked through the streets of Jerusalem, raping a young woman after which he killed her husband to conceal his crime, etc.⁴ That David, the budding young sex pervert, rapist and murderer was also bisexual, is made quite clear when the details of his explicit relationship with King Saul's young son, Jonathan, are laid out in I Samuel 18.

The story opens with David and Jonathan binding their souls one to the other, which is, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, something done between a husband and wife: "And it came to pass, when he [David] had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul ... And Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul." This is better translated in other translations, such as this one from the Bible in Basic English: "Now after David's talk with Saul was ended, the soul of Jonathan was joined with the soul of David, and David became as dear to him as his very life." Young's Literal Translation backs this translation: "And it cometh to pass, when he finisheth to speak unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan hath been bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loveth him as his own soul."

With their deep, marital-like love clearly spelled out, the bible tells us that Jonathan and David went on to make a love contract, during which Jonathan stripped naked before David—completely naked—I mean buck-naked—removing his clothing, his sword, his bow and his belt and giving them to David. The symbolism is important here, for Jonathan divested himself of the very symbols of his manhood and offered them to David! There is no mistake here. There are no other contracts between humans that end with someone stripping naked except a marriage contract wherein the woman surrenders her worldly goods and offers her naked body to her new husband. Certainly bible-thumpers may color this act any way they want (and they do), but the fact is that essentially Jonathan became David's wife, as I Samuel 20:41 makes perfectly clear: "They [David and Jonathan] kissed each other and wept with each other until David exceeded."

For those of you who will protest that David was married and a known womanizer, and therefore couldn't be a homosexual, let's have this clear: We are talking bisexuality here folks—you know, like a significant percentage of the world's population! But since we are examining David's marital status, let's notice that when King Saul offered his eldest daughter, Merab, to David, he turned her down flat! Saul then offers his younger daughter, Michal, who (we are told) truly loved David, but notice that the bible doesn't say that David "loved" Michal in return. In fact, David only agrees to marry Michal because 1 Samuel 18:26 tells us that "When the servants reported this offer to David, he was pleased with the prospect of becoming the king's son-in-law." David's reasons for marrying are borne out by the details of his married life, which sound more like those of famed gay actor Rock Hudson, who married a woman for his public image back in the days when open homosexuality would have spelled the end of his Hollywood career. Another, perhaps more significant reason for David to marry into the Saul family was that it put him in constant company of his beloved Jonathan!

On that last note let's return to a scripture mentioned above—the one telling how David "exceeded" when he was hugging and kissing Jonathan. What does that odd, puzzling word in I Samuel 20:41 mean? To be exact, no one seems to know, although they acknowledge that the original Hebrew word (gadal) means to grow, to become large, etc. Okay, let's use that definition and put the scene into perspective: Two young virile men who are deeply in love are embracing and kissing and David "grows large." Come on folks! Does it take a Ph.d. in physiology here to figure out what happened? David, one of the bible's premier sex perverts, had an erection while making it with his lover Jonathan!⁵

With that visual "firmly" in mind, let me pause to ask what Rev. Fred Phelps would say had he read the details of David and Jonathan's love in something other than a "divine" book? Simple! Fred would denounce both David and Jonathan as "faggots", rejoiced in Jonathan's death and feature his face on his website with the flames of hell dancing about it—especially after he read David's lament over Jonathan's death: "My brother Jonathan you have been very satisfying to me. Your love for me was wondrous, surpassing the lovemaking of women.... I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women." (II Samuel 1:26)

I know, I've heard it before: In bible days men behaved differently with one another. What a load of bull shit! When it comes to sex, men and women have behaved the same from the beginning of time—which the bible proves by offering a host of prohibitions against various forms of sexual activities. The fact is that we have two young men bound by nothing short of a marriage contract sealed by nudity, embraces, kisses, tears and ejaculation! Indeed, so obvious was this relationship between two very public figures that people were talking—so much so that King Saul finally spoke out: "Then Saul's anger flared up against Jonathan, and Saul said to him, 'You son of a perverse and rebellious woman, don't you know that I know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own confusion and unto the confusion of your mother's nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die." (1 Samuel 20:30-31)

It's evident here that Saul knew that David and Jonathan's relationship was more than just friends, which is why Saul essentially says to Jonathan: "You son of a bitch! I know what's going on with you and David! You're a sick, confused kid! Your sexual relationship with David has brought shame on your mother!" This interpretation is reinforced when Saul goes on to warn Jonathan that a homosexual union with David would be the end of his kingship, because one of the most important duties of a king was to produce an heir, which could not happen if Jonathan was involved with a man.

Where is this discussion leading? Back to Jehovah, whose heart was one and the same with David's, which proves that Jehovah must have been at the very least bisexual. To put this into perspective let's start with fact 1.) Jehovah set women up to be blamed for all that is wrong in a man's life, which ultimately gave rise to female-torturing horrors of the Holy Inquisition. Fact 2.) Jehovah made laws that virtually enslaved women. Fact 3.) Jehovah never had a special relationship with a female in the whole of the Old Testament, except when they were convenient for one of his special men. Fact 4.) In the one and only instance in the Old Testament in which Jehovah takes a wife, he chooses a man for his bride! That's right—Jehovah betrothed himself to Israel with whom he had one of his "special relationships," even rolling around on the ground naked with him throughout an entire night, which ended with a somewhat lewd act!⁶

Let's have this clear: Jehovah's bride was Israel, and Israel was a man. In this case, the relationship carried over to Israel's twelve young sons, meaning it was these twelve boys who de facto became Jehovah's "wife," although in typical hypocritical fashion the bible composers colored the sordid facts by referring to these boys as "she" or "her" in order to make this sham marriage respectable. Let's use our brain here. If I were to take a man, put a wig on his head, dress him in a shimmering evening gown and a string of pearls, call him a "her" and then marry the "lady" as my bride, would anyone be fooled? Hell no! Everyone would say that Darrell Conder has just married a guy in drag! But for some insane reason when old Jehovah passes a transvestite bride off as his wife, nary a Christian or Jew pipes up with a protest. Indeed, they heap praise on their lecherous god while they spit venom on the notion of "faggots" wanting to marry!

To bring this situation into full focus, let's skim through Ezekiel 23, which I'm going to paraphrase using several modern translations:

[The house of Israel and the house of Judah] were prostitutes in Egypt; lovers squeezed their firm young breasts and fondled their nipples.... [Israel] lusted for her lovers, the Assyrians, who were desirable young warriors clothed in blue ... horsemen mounted on stallions. She gave the choicest of them her sexual favors ... She did not abandon her Egyptian prostitution, when men had sex with her and fondled her virgin breast ... Her sister [Judah] became more wanton in her sexual lust than her sister, and her whoredoms were much worse then those of her sister ... She too lusted for the Assyrians, warriors in full battle array, riding on stallions, all of their handsome, desirable young men ... and they defiled her with their lust ... she lusted after their penises, which were as large as those of donkeys, and she lusted after their ejaculations, which were as strong as horses.

Pardon me folks! Israel is a man, and if "she" was lusting after "her" handsome young lovers, whose penises were as large as donkey dongs, and whose ejaculations were as strong as horses, then we are reading of a Jehovah-inspired pornographic homosexual fantasy here involving his "bride" Israel, whom he divorces, but plans to remarry when he establishes his kingdom, over which a resurrected old boyfriend, king David, will help rule! But this is not all.

According to John 1:1-14 and 1 Corinthians 10:1-4, the same Jehovah who loved David, was one with David's heart, married Israel as his "bride," descended to earth to be born of a virgin as Jesus Christ. Of course, there's a bit more to that story than this over-simplified synopsis.

In the one instance when the old male deities, who somehow "begat" a son without a mother goddess, decide to have a true female relationship, they didn't do what their son did and dress up a man in drag and marry "her." No. One of them descends to earth and rapes the young virgin wife-to-be of a human man, thus violating his own laws—which prescribes that Jehovah should be taken to the gates of the city and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 22:23-24) Anyway, here we have the torrid beginnings of Jehovah the son being born as the god-man Jesus Christ of the New Testament. Keeping in mind this Jehovah's Old Testament sexual antics, let's peer into the New Testament to see how he behaves as Jesus Christ. Perchance does he turn over a new leaf? (My apologies to Adam and Eve for the pun!)

We are told in Hebrews 4 that Jesus was tempted in every way of man—meaning that he was tempted by both male and female desires, which wasn't difficult since he traveled in the company of a prostitute, and twelve young men—all being hand-picked by Jesus for their special "mission" on earth. Notice the number twelve here? It's the same number of males comprising Jehovah/Jesus' bride, Israel, whom he divorced for having sex with well-endowed men but plans to remarry in his kingdom. Anyway, we are told that Jesus overcame the temptation to have sex with his traveling prostitute friend, which doesn't seem like much of a feat since his only display of sexual interest involves his twelve young male friends. Indeed, in the New Testament we find that Jesus' attitude towards women was not unlike that when he was Jehovah back in the Old Testament, although admittedly modified for the sake of selling himself as a reformed god—love thy neighbor, forgiving sins, etc. (As I show in my article, Things You've Never Heard In Church Series: For the "Love" of God!, this new persona was just for show since, before his second coming, the "gentle lamb" Jesus plans to destroy damn near all life on earth!)

As the Jesus story unfolds, we find a thirty-something unmarried man running about the hills of Judea with twelve young males in tow—and being followed around by his doting mother, with whom he seems to have one of those classic love-hate relationships. Now, all these men, save one, were unmarried and all seemed to have a special relationship with Jesus. (The one married man, Peter, never explains why he left his wife to run off with a group of young males and a prostitute, which, for the sake of Mrs. Peter's reputation, should be clarified when the details of Jesus' relationship with the "twelve" are examined.)

Now I want to interrupt here to again ask Fred Phelps something. Fred, we have an unmarried man roaming about in the company of eleven unmarried men, a man who left his wife to be with him, a prostitute whose services are not engaged; all of whom are in the habit of excessively bibbing wine; all of whom "love" Jesus—one in particular who lays on Jesus' bosom on those warm Jerusalem evenings; who were in the habit of kissing each other, as did Judas on the night of Jesus' arrest; and who lay about naked, as was also revealed on the night of Jesus' arrest. What would you have said and done had you lived back then Freddie? Based on your present-day actions we can safely say that you and yours would have been following Jesus around with your vulgar signs picketing his public appearances—and you would have been screaming about "faggots" while the Romans nailed Jesus to the cross! And I dare say that you Fred Phelps, would have been fighting with the city officials of Jerusalem about placing a marble stone on the site of the crucifixion that read: "Jesus of Nazareth, 2,291 Days in Hell!"

Moving on, let me address the argument that Jesus couldn't have been a homosexual because he publically proclaimed that he had come to fulfill the law, which strictly forbids homosexuality. How convenient! Anyone who reads the bible for what it really says, instead of what various church doctrines teach, will know that it is a book filled to the brim with contradictions, plagiarisms and outright canards. Indeed, in the history of humankind, there has been no other book as notorious as the "holy bible" and its "God!"

A religious tract I recently read stated that there are seven things which the "Lord" hates, which are an abomination to him. They are: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and a man who sows discord among brothers. (Proverbs 6:16-19). The fact is that Jehovah is guilty of every one of the things which he supposedly hates, all of which I have laid out in numerous writings on my website and in my books. Likewise, the same can truthfully be said of Jesus.

For anyone to declare that Jesus could not have been sexually active with males or females because he was there to fulfill God's law, is absurd. What law? The Sabbath perhaps? Jesus broke the Sabbath, for which he could have been lawfully stoned to death. He defied the law of Moses, which commanded that an adulteress was to be stoned. He defied the rabbis, in contradiction to the law. He repudiated the laws requiring one to honor their parents, and set the example by publicly dishonoring his own mother. Even more, like the Jehovah of old, Jesus was a law unto himself. He broke his own Old Testament laws to suit himself and the moment, in effect being an embodiment of the old adage "don't do as I do, do as I say," an illustration of which can be found in his pronouncement that eternal life came by keeping the commandments while he was breaking those same commandments. (Matthew 19:16-19) But the real clincher in our tale of an out-of-the-closet Jesus comes from Columbia University Professor Morton Smith's controversial 1958 discovery, which concerns another young man whom Jesus loved.

A manuscript fragment of Mark 10:34-35, found at Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem, revealed this: "And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God." (This young man was Lazarus, over whom Jesus wept, and who he supposedly raised from the dead.)

Certainly the authenticity of this startling discovery was disputed by some Christian scholars, which is hardly surprising given its implication, and given the Christian Church's stand on homosexuality; and why the verse is missing from the Gospel of Mark is no mystery, if one knows the suppressed true history of the New Testament.⁷

As for the Old Testament laws against homosexuality, they are meaningless. I'm not speaking about the arguments put up by gay Christians who endlessly debate the likes of Fred Phelps about the true meaning of certain bible scriptures, but the easily-provable facts that the entire bible is totally unreliable—saying one thing in one place, and contradicting itself in another—and that the Jehovah of scripture is an egotistical liar, mass murderer, thief, rapist and pervert. Why would anyone want to believe in, follow or argue in favor of such a deity, or argue about the meaning of such a book? Indeed, if homosexuality really is the evil "sin" of Christianity, then it can't be wrong since Jehovah himself admits to creating it in Isaiah 45:5,7: "I am the Lord, and there is none else, there is no God beside me ... I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things." In the face of such insight, my advice to homosexuals is to lay down all your preconceived notions, your childhood fears about roasting forever in hell, and read the bible—truly read the bible—with an open mind. When you do this, you won't need to argue with hate mongers like Fred Phelps, or live in guilt. You will be able to get on with your life!

I know that I sound like I'm winding down here, but I'm going to carry this on for a few more paragraphs because there is another bible character who needs an "honorable" mention. Paul is often held up by fundamentalist Christians as the bible's premier anti-homosexual preacher. In my judgment, he is. But what's up with that since Paul (like Jesus) broke any Old Testament law that he found inconvenient? I mean, Paul is notorious for setting aside Old Testament laws (such as circumcision, which is commanded forever) while enforcing others, such as Jehovah's anti-homosexual laws. Paul's criticisms of homosexuality reminds me of the line from Shakespeare's Hamlet, if I may be allowed to paraphrase to fit this situation: "the man doth protest too much, methinks!" Methinks that Paul was hiding his true nature by denouncing the behavior in others. Indeed, Paul's seething resentment of women, his preaching the coming kingdom of a gay god, and his obvious love of young uncircumcised men, spells (to use Fred Phelps' base terminology) "faggot" to me!

Speaking of a gay kingdom of God, did you ever wonder about the 144,000 male virgins who will serve the "lamb" Jesus forever in his kingdom? That's right—144,000 male virgins, who are mentioned in Revelation 14:3-5:

"And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders: and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth. These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb."

Jesus the "lamb," who cavorted around on earth with naked young males, whom he kissed, with whom he snuggled and boozed in the hills of Judea, will surround himself for eternity with 144,000 young male virgins—who did not "defile" themselves with lowly females! Give me a break Fred Phelps! When he was Jehovah in the OT, your god was a "faggot," when he was on earth as Jesus, he was a "faggot," and in the future he plans on being the supreme "faggot" in the male-dominated kingdom of his two "faggot" daddies—where he will be married to his male bride, Israel, who will be supervised by his much-loved "faggot" friend/lover, King David! (Hey, now you know why the 144,000 are called the "firstfruits" of the lamb!)

Okay; now I will wind this down by acknowledging the coming accusations that Darrell Conder is a homo-promoting queer faggot-lover. Fine! Say what you want! I'm used to it! For speaking out against the lies and hate of the bible, good Christians have accused me of just about every thing under the sun. Personally I don't give a damn what others think of me—especially "good" Christians. More to the point, I don't give a damn what two consenting adults do behind closed doors! I neither promote a gay lifestyle, nor denounce it. Simply put, a gay or straight world is not relevant to my life. My reason for writing this study is to speak out against hate mongers like Fred Phelps and to expose their foul, hateful bible to the light of reason. So stayed tuned: I've only scratched the surface!

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Endnotes

(1) This history is outlined in this author's first book, Mystery Babylon the Great, a portion of which is outlined on the Internet.

(2) The Hebrew word for oil, shemen, pronounced semen, was what was poured upon the heads of phallic pillars and kings as an anointing oil.

(3) From the beginning, the Israelites followed the phallic customs of the surrounding nations. That this included the outright worship of a penis, is illustrated in Isaiah 44:19, where the Israelites are condemned for falling "down to the stock of a tree", here understood as a carved phallus. Or in Jeremiah 2:27, where Israel says to wooden stock, or phallus, "Thou art my father; and to a stone [which set upright in an erect position] Thou has brought me forth [or as some commentaries note, 'have begotten me']."

(4) Repelled by the thought of a major biblical hero dancing naked through the streets of Jerusalem, many religionist argue that David was clothed. However, the details in 1 Samuel 16 leave no doubt about David's state, which is made plain by David's wife's complaint: "How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!" David Jay Jordan, a Christian who undoubtedly understands the meaning of the story, excuses it this way: "In other words Michal was in the flesh and cared about other women seeing David naked whereas David didn't care because it was as unto the Lord. He was in the Spirit even though naked while she was in the flesh even though clothed."

(5) The Hebrew word gadal is translated here as "exceeded," which (given the subject of this story) has made all bible translators very uncomfortable. The word means to grow, be great or large, but ignoring this, translators (who, after all, are trying to sell bibles to fundamentalist Christians) have it meaning all manner of things, such as the Living Bible, which had David shaking Jonathan's hand! (See Strong's Exhaustive Concordance: "a prim. root; prop. to twist, i.e. to be (caus. make) large (in various senses, as in body, mind, estate or honor ... ")

(6) The story is recorded in Genesis 32:30 and details how Jacob meets an angel, who later identifies himself as Jehovah—made clear by Jacob who exclaims that he had seen God face to face and lived. (Also made clear in Exodus 6:2-3: "I am The Lord. I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty ...") The story tells how the two rolled around on the ground all night, and near daybreak, Jehovah is ready to leave but Jacob's prowess is too great, so Jehovah grabs him by his genitals, which means that Jacob must have been buck naked for this to have happened. Of course the bible translators didn't want to paint such a picture, so they rendered the incident as Jehovah "touching the hollow" of Jacob's thigh. Genesis 32:32: "Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank." Mythologist Barbara G. Walker writes that "Biblical writers called the penis a 'sinew that shrank,' lying 'upon the hollow of the thigh.' This was the sinew that Jacob lost in his duel with 'a man who was god.'" The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets, Harper & Row, 1983, article, "Castration." More insight is given elsewhere in the bible when we read that Joseph swears an oath by putting his hand under Jacob's thigh, which was a euphemism for holding his testicles in his hand. In Genesis 47:29 Abraham makes his servant put his hand under his thigh while swearing to God. Dr. Hastings wrote: "Only thus can he explain the early Hebrew rite of swearing with the 'hand under the thigh' of the person to whom the oath is made (Gn24,2. 9. 47,29) this part of the body being known to be that from which life proceeds (cf. Gn 35,11 46,26)" Encyclopaedia of Religion and Ethics Edited by James Hastings, Edinburgh, T. & T. Clark, 1910, article, Circumcision. It is worthwhile to note that throughout the Old Testament God seems to be fascinated with the male genitalia. See Ex.4:25, Lev.15:16-18, 32, and Dt.23:1 for just a few examples.

(7) About seventeen hundred years ago, a group of churchmen gathered at the Council of Nicea to decide on what did, and what did not belong in the bible. The Council included some of Christianity's greatest liars and forgers, like Eusebius, and indeed had its "holy" authority from the murderer, pagan emperor of Rome, Constantine the Great, the first "Christian" roman emperor. The corrupt history of this council and the foundations of the New Testament may be found in my detailed article, How Christianity Got Its New Testament. If one wants more evidence of this council's corruption of the New Testament, then they may consult a letter from church father Clement, Bishop of Alexandria, to Theodore, the priest of an early Christian community, c.95 AD, quoting a suppressed part of the Gospel of Mark: "And thus they come into Bethany, and a certain, woman whose brother had died, was there. And coming she prostrated herself before Jesus and sayeth unto him, 'Son of David have mercy on me.' But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered, went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway a great cry was heard from the tomb. And going near, Jesus rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And straightway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over nakedness. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan."

Copyright © by Darrell W. Conder, 2005 & 2007, Olympia, Washington. All rights reserved.

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