Darrell W. Conder's

Things You've Never Heard In Church Series:

Jehovah Finally Comes Out of the Closet!

Reaction from my recent article detailing the horrors of the Holy Bible and its offspring, the Holy Inquisition, was mixed. Some thought it was too strong, while others argued that those who killed in God's name weren't true Christians. One man placed the blame squarely on Roman Catholicism. "Protestantism", he stated, was/is not "a bloodthirsty faith!"

Let me remind this man, and all who think like him, that until the sixteenth century there was only one Christian Church in the West; there was only one officially-recognized bible translation, which is the same bible that gave legitimacy to the horrors of the Inquisition, and which gave life to the King James translation. In short, the history of the Holy Inquisition IS the history of Protestantism. And good god what a history!

The fact is that when it came into its own, Protestantism followed its mother church and in God's name shed an ocean of blood. From Martin Luther in Germany, William I of Orange, King Henry viii to Oliver Cromwell, good Protestants stained their hands with "heretic's" blood. The written record of Protestantism's crimes could fill a library!

Just as bad, when the first Englishmen fled the Mother country to find religious freedom in the New World, they imported the very evil they sought to escape—religious intolerance. In 1640 one of this author's own ancestors, Major Randal Holden, was jailed for heresy in Salem, Massachusetts and threatened with execution—some fifty-two years before another infamous episode in Salem's history, which was the arrest and torture of one hundred forty-one men and women for witchcraft, and the ultimate murder of twenty by fanatical Protestant judges. But have no fear, all ye good Christian fanatics: The spirit of the Holy Inquisition and the Salem witch trials lives on in the twenty-first century!

Enter Reverend Fred Phelps. Now, if you've never heard of this old darling, you are among the more fortunate, although that must end if you continue to read this article. Phelps, a 76-year-old disbarred lawyer, is the pastor of something called the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, and he is the creator and administrator of the church's websites, godhatesfags.com and godhatesamerica.com. That's right! Phelps has an entire ministry devoted to spreading hatred for homosexuals and the nations that protect them—and when I say hatred, I mean pure volcanic poison! Let me give you some examples.

Because of the extraordinary media coverage of the time, many will remember the 1998 torture-murder of a young gay man named Matthew Shepard outside Laramie, Wyoming by two straight men; the details of which are rather gruesome. Shepard's murder and his sexual orientation was music to the ears of Phelps and his hate mongers because it gave them a chance to generate major publicity for their cause.

Among other things, Phelps and company picketed Shepard's funeral, the trial of his murders, and tried to erect a stone monument in Laramie that reads: "Matthew Shepard has been in hell for 2291 days. Eternity - 3150 days = Eternity". Phelps writes:

Unless [Shepard] repented in the final hours of his life (not likely since God had given him up!—Romans 1), He is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity, 'where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.' Mark 9:44. For each day that passes, he has only eternity to look forward to. All the candlelight vigils, all the tributes, all the acts of Congress, all the rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States, will not shorten his sentence by so much as one day. And all the riches of the world will not buy him one drop of water to cool his tongue.

As a token of Phelps' Christian mercy, he maintains a photograph of Matthew Shepard's face on his website with animated flames dancing across it, and a counter which displays how many days Matthew Shepard has supposedly been roasting in hell. But this treatment of Matthew Shepard is tame when one considers that Phelps gleefully preaches death against the entire population of the United States.

Phelps hatred of America is borne from the fact that our nation's laws don't allow for the execution of homosexuals. This leads Phelps and his congregation to rejoice in horrible bloody disasters like the Columbia Space Shuttle disaster, claiming that the seven dead astronauts were "faggots" now roasting alive in hell. However, Phelps' hatred reached a peak on September 11, 2001 when the Twin Towers in New York City were attacked. He wrote: "thank God for 3,000 dead fags . . . God Hates America! Even as fires still blaze in New York and Washington, and even as the death toll mounts, this evil nation continues to smear fag semen and dyke feces on the pages of the Bible so as thereby to blur its holy warnings of divine wrath!" Adding physical insult to his hateful rants, Phelps and his group went to New York City and protested the rescue and recovery personnel with vulgar, insulting signs, one of which depicted a male couple engaging in sexual intercourse.

Exceeding even this hateful display, Phelps rejoiced in the nearly 300,000 dead from the recent tsunami in Indonesia and Thailand. Phelps reserved his most godly venom for the vacationing European victims. Here are his sympathetic words:

20,000 filthy Swedes went to Thailand—world epicenter of child sex traffic—to rape and sodomize little Thai boys and girls. 20,000 dead Swedes is to Sweden's population of 9 mil. As 650,000 would be to America's 290 mil. Pop. We sincerely hope and pray that all 20,000 Swedes are dead, their bodies bloated on the ground or in a mass grave or floating at sea feeding sharks and fishes or in the bellies of thousands of crocodiles washed ashore by tsunamis. These filthy, faggot Swedes have a satanic, draconian law criminalizing Gospel preaching . . . thereby incurring God's irreversible wrath. [That last remark was in reference to the Swedish government closing down a Pentecostal minister who preaches Phelps' brand of homosexual hatred, which, by the way, is an act that this author does not support. To make this clear, I do not support ANY suppression of free speech, no matter how repugnant!]

In the immediate aftermath of the tsunami crisis, a twelve year old Swedish boy named Kristian Walker was kidnaped, perhaps (it was feared by local authorities) by child pornographers. Phelps wrote that Kristian ". . . would be better off dead than living in Sweden—where 9 million walking-dead sodomite zombies anally copulate their brains out and jail Gospel preachers . . . Sweden is under the condign [deserved] wrath of God. Kristian Walker & all Swedish kids would be better off dead than living in Sweden." On his website, next to a photograph of Kristian, Phelps wrote: "Thank God for the apparent kidnapping of the 12-year-old Swede—Kristian Walker!"

Okay, enough of the good reverend's love. Christian history books are filled with this kind of tripe. What I want to do here is to point out to the Fred Phelps-types that the god they use to spread their hate is not who they think he is. In fact, Fred Phelps, the god you preach is himself the supreme, universal "faggot"! That's right Freddie, we are talking about old Jehovah himself!

Writing strictly from a Christian perspective, here are the facts: In the beginning of eternity there were two supreme beings floating around out there in the cosmos. We don't know anything about where they came from, or what they did with each other during all that time, except that at some point they decided to have a son. Now, unlike the myriad other deities invented by man, which are logically composed of a father-god and mother-goddess who produced a son-god¹, these two deities were males! So, how they "begat" a son is not revealed. But, since begatting (even among the gods) usually involved copulation, then I'll leave it to the reader's imagination how the son came on the scene. Anyway, together this trinity of gods formed the Yahweh family, or the Jehovah family, if we take the King James translator's translation of the Hebrew Tetragrammaton (yhwh). In time this third Jehovah, who was one with his two dads, decided to create a planet and a human male, who he made in his own image. This is important because Jehovah the creator (being at one with his two dads) must have been begotten with homosexual tendencies. This means that he would have passed this trait along to his human male. But let's forget that for the moment and focus on Jehovah the creator. Let's see if the bible will show us that he is indeed a prime example of like fathers, like son.

One of the first things we notice in the Good Book is that Jehovah has a problem with females. Indeed, Genesis makes it plain that Jehovah had no intentions to create a woman for Adam, because after making his man, he brought all sorts of animals to him to see if any could be found suitable as a mate—a tale that doesn't bode well for Jehovah's intelligence, which is a subject for another study. Even worse, in the Tamudic book Yebamoth(63a) Rabbi Eleazar teaches that Adam copulated with various animals before it was determined that none was suitable as a mate. And so, when the animal thing turned out to be a bad idea, Jehovah, purely as an afterthought, created a woman. (Don't blame me folks—I didn't write this stuff!)

As if being created as an afterthought wasn't bad enough, Genesis reveals that poor Eve was set up by Jehovah to be blamed for man's downfall and all that is evil in the world, which she did by innocently stumbling into Jehovah's cunningly-devised snake-trap. (See my study on the book of Genesis for the details of that story!) As a result of her interlude with a talking snake, Eve, and all womankind, were cursed with painful childbirth and to be virtual slaves for eternity. Indeed, who can truthfully deny that the bible is one long record of their abuse? While their lives of misery start to unfold on earth, notice who Jehovah favors throughout the pages of his bible: Males! From Abel to Enoch to Noah to Abraham to Moses, males were exclusively to Jehovah's taste. No woman really ever made the grade. Well, to be perfectly fair, the males just mentioned barely made the grade—that is until one boy came along.

Looking down from his heavenly perch one day, Jehovah spied a young shepherd boy frolicking about the hills of ancient Judea. Whatever he saw David doing alone in those hills, Jehovah's godly heart strings began to play—so much so that no human male before or since could come in as a close second to David! Jehovah was in love and it is in his love of David that Jehovah's true nature is revealed.

But before we get into all that, it's worthwhile to review David's family history, which is relevant because it is lop-sided with sexual aberrations. First, we have the rabbinical tale about his great-great-some-odd-grandmother Eve copulating with the serpent in Eden; and the Genesis tale about gods coming down to earth to copulate with her female descendants and begetting heros of old. There's David great-great-something-or-other-uncle Ham homosexually raping his drunken father, Noah, after the flood (see this author's Genesis study for the details of that one!); there was father Abraham marrying his sister and then giving her over for the sexual delight of a king—the same Abraham who raped his wife's slave and then dumped her and his illegitimate son into the dessert to die—the same Abraham who worshiped an upright stone penis set inside a representation of a vagina, which was an ancient custom of Mesopotamia; there was father Jacob who also set up a sacred phallic stone and anointed it with oil,² which set a precedent in Israel; David's ancient cousin Moses did the same thing, as well as participating in the wholesale rape and/or enslavement of 32,000 Midianite virgins;³ at the door of Jehovah's sacred Temple David's son Solomon set up two giant phalluses on whose heads were carved lilies and pomegranates, both being ancient symbols of female fertility; there was David's ancient cousin Lot who seemed to delight in living among the debauchery of Sodom and Gomorrah—the same Lot who offered a crowd his daughters for a gang-rape, after which a drunken Lot was incestuously raped by each of these same two daughters, thus producing combinations of sons-grandsons/brother/sons/nephews, or whatever, one of whom was David's ancestor; there was David's great-great-what-ever uncle Judah buying the prostitute favors of his own daughter-in-law, an act that produced another of David's ancestors; there was David's great-something-or-other grandmother Rahab, who was a traitorous harlot; there was his ancestral father Jacob's rape of his wives' two female slaves; David's great-what-ever uncle Reuben, who had incestuous intercourse with his father's sex slave; there's the case of David's son raping his own sister, and another son publically raping ten of his father's sex slaves, etc., etc., ad nauseam!

A family history like this goes a long way toward explaining David and his sexual appetites, and will explain why Jehovah chose him as his special friend. Indeed, the history of Israel itself tells us even more about David and Jehovah. I mean, the bible features prohibitions against men raping sheep, donkeys and other assorted beasts, and likewise for women doing the same—meaning of course that bestiality was a rampant problem else the biblical composers would have hardly bothered to pen a law against Israelites "doing" their farm animals! Such common practices in ancient Israel is why one of Jehovah's top prophets, Ezekiel, used it as a simile in chapter 32 of his book: "Yet [Israel] became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission [ejaculation] was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."

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